Self-Hate

QA159 QUESTION: I notice in looking at other people involved in relationship, I sometimes see myself despising them or wondering how they could be accepted by another person. This must somehow be related to my own self-hate.

ANSWER: Exactly. Now, here is the following advice for you. The moment you are aware of the self-hate and the self-disgust, this is already a very important step. The next step is to meditate; ask for truth in this respect.

It is one of the most remarkable demonstrations of the truth of the divine power within that, whatever one asks specifically, is granted, but it must be specifically formulated. The divine power does not respond to a vague general half-hearted wanting that is not concisely put into words.

Now, this is extremely important to remember, and my advice here is, say specifically into yourself, “I am aware of self-disgust. I am aware that I feel disgusted of human facets of my body. This is an error and in order for my feelings to be in truth, I request the divine power and intelligence within me to help me feel in truth, so that instead of being disgusted by the divine manifestation that I am and other human beings are, that I welcome and cherish and honor this physical divine manifestation.”

This is the temptation that always befalls man – not to put into words, but to gloss over; not to formulate, but to somehow let be in a vague, foggy climate. If you overcome this temptation and precisely meditate about your self-acceptance regarding your physical being as well as your mental and spiritual being, the divine will manifest in you, and you will gain a new outlook.

 

QA213 QUESTION: I confess to feeling very lost. It’s almost as if after years of struggling and trying to improve and grow, I’ve reached a point where somehow it doesn’t really make any difference anymore. It’s almost as if I’ve looked across into my own conception of what life would be if I achieved what I’ve wanted to all these years – and I can’t accept it. I’m afraid of it. It’s boredom. To simplify that, I don’t exactly know what I want at this time. My usual goodwill is very hard to bring out. I guess I just can’t accept life as it is. I can’t accept people, and in trying to help them, I come up with the feeling that they’re shit, they’re garbage. I despise them on one level. I can’t give to someone I despise and I can’t give to myself.

ANSWER: You still project your self-hate onto others. And that is why you cannot take in the good. Since you cannot take in the good life, you malign the good life and pretend it is boredom. In reality, it is everything else but boredom. It is intense pleasure, excitement – peaceful excitement – stimulation, and serenity to give. That is the truth.

But you malign the truth and make it boring because you do not accept even your self-hate. You project the self-hate. And that is where you have to go: you have to see how much you hate yourself, rather than always projecting it outwardly. As you see the self-hate, then you can pray for a more realistic attitude toward yourself, and self-forgiveness and truth about your perceptions, even of yourself.

For your perceptions are very distorted and one-sided. I would suggest that your energies, your commitment, your focusing should go in this direction: instead of projecting it outwardly, see the self-hate – but see it with a grain of salt. You are not even right about that, because you are not that bad. There is only a part of you that is committed to hate and mostly to self-hate.

QUESTION: All right. You know I’ve already faced so much hate, I’m afraid I’m going to just go into the gutter if I keep facing this hatred. I’m really afraid of it.

ANSWER: It is the self-hate that you have to face. You project the self-hate onto hating others. And you can begin to pray to love yourself, to see the good in you and not to devastate yourself so much. But you cannot do that if you constantly project the self-hate outwardly. You can pray.

Your prayer should be, “I want to perceive myself in truth, not to deny what is distorted and ugly, but to know I am a divine manifestation and to be capable of forgiving myself and loving who I am so that I can express love into the world. I have the capacity to express love into the world, and I call upon the greater power of my divine reality to do this.” That is the commitment.

QUESTION: I make that commitment as much as I can now. {Yes} I make the commitment to face myself in a balanced way, see the hate in myself, not project it, and thus be able to give the best of myself to others.

ANSWER: But also see your beauty. Focus on it.

QUESTION: I need that badly.

ANSWER: Yes. Focus on the beauty in you.

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