QA114 QUESTION: For the person who has difficulty thinking, and even greater difficulty feeling, that he can reach his inner resources of strength, would you have anything further to say about the doubt or unawareness that keeps him cut off from this part of his feelings?
ANSWER: Yes, I would like to say in the first place that here is a lack of confidence in oneself which is, of course, the result of many deviations. Because of this lack of trust in oneself, one leans on predigested views, and therefore independent thought and feeling is cut off. Now, the question arises about why this lack of confidence exists.
In the final analysis, it is always due in this lifetime to a childhood experience that caused hurt and resentment, as you all know. The full significance of this hurt is pushed out of sight and a defense mechanism has been created in order to ward off future similar hurt. It is this very defense mechanism, which, since it is a pseudodefense or a pseudosolution, does not work. Subsequently the self-confidence is constantly attacked and challenged.
What the psyche and the personality believed would work, constantly proves not to work. And, since this is an unconscious process, one has no way of tackling it. All the personality knows is a befogged feeling of lack of trust in one’s own perception, experience and thought, whereupon one then resorts to leaning on public opinion.
It is of utmost importance that this whole process is unrolled: What was the original hurt? How deeply and intensely was it felt? What was the subsequent defense against it? Why is that defense an unrealistic process or concept, and therefore it constantly brought about a lowering of self-esteem? It is never sufficient to theoretically and generally understand this whole process. It has to be uncovered individually.
Now, it is needless to say that most people have a great fear of uncovering this process and finding this original hurt, with all its subsequent strong, strong feelings for which one feels guilty. One also fears that upon uncovering this pseudodefense, one has to let go of it, while it is still the only thing the psyche knows to ward off what it fears most. Therefore there’s a strong resistance, a strong battle.