Holding Back Feelings

QA221 QUESTION: I’ve had a very tense session with my male Helper. I know my irrational self wants to blame that he pushed me into something. I know it’s not true, and I really need help with this.

ANSWER: There is a deep, intentional holding of your feelings. But were you to let go of your feelings, you might in all probability find that you have very loving, pleasurable feelings toward that Helper – feelings that you feel are forbidden and will not be reciprocated. Therefore you deny and congest the stream of your energy flow. And that is your sickness.

You are not trusting the wisdom and the processes of your feeling self, and even also of your own mind, that can make room for that particular tunnel. The tunnel of hate and rage brings you to the tunnel of pain, and the tunnel of pain brings you into the tunnel of unreciprocated feelings – apparently, for all intents and purposes – of pleasure and love.

Only when you allow that stream and allow yourself to go through that tunnel will you discover new light and a new truth and a new peace and a new wholeness. It does not matter whether your feelings are responded to in exactly the same kind, or that the kind in which you must experience them first cannot be responded to. It does not matter.

It is not humiliating and it is not wrong. In other words, what you really need is an affirmative and trusting attitude toward the reality of the movement of your own feelings, and to not stop the process. The blame is a defense against the holding, and the physical manifestations are the result of the holding, which is always a negative thing.

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