QA254 QUESTION: Through the twenty years of your beautiful teachings and the super patience of your instrument, you helped me to plant many seeds in my arid soul. Some of these seeds have germinated into sweet fruits. Others, I have turned them sour. But I know that is the spiral of life, and I have to learn from it. What my psychological makeup will lead me to, has been exactly as you said. To mention some impossible-to-believe by me at the time you said them: fear of a demon’s possession and fear of people. Today I confronted people here and there, just as you said I would do. In other words, I laugh at those fears today. I respect myself and I don’t have any more suicidal urges. I miss very much talking to you, but as you said, without the feeling of dependency.
Many years ago, you explained to me the spirit of life, that whatever I resist facing today, it will be in front of me later on. I understand what you say, and I am experiencing the round of the spirit of life. It has been very hard for me to deal with my insistence and my ego drive and my power drive. I want to be on top of all, and I interpret that as a dream. I am a double Capricorn with a moon in Libra. For some time, my balance has been tilted to one side. I want to bring balance in myself – to be in the center of my being – and with all my heart to change the goat in me into the lamb that I am.
Also, when I began my Path, I had many friends. I was happy, but I have been losing them one after the other just as you said – only two of all my friends were my true friends. The friends I have are in foreign countries. I have many beautiful acquaintances in this Pathwork. What I want is to have a good friend, and I need to know what in me stops me from having this friend.
ANSWER: My dearest friend. You have indeed come a far, far way and you are succeeding in your wish, more than you realize. The results cannot always manifest right away; the old patterns still roll off automatically, but a new condition is being created within you which you sense quite strongly yourself, as you mentioned some examples.
Just continue your process as you do now. It is not true that you have only acquaintances on the Path. You have real friends, but you are afraid of finding this out. The old friends were much more acquaintances, because, as you know, real closeness was quite impossible with them. This is why you felt safe with them. And this is also why you fear bringing the friendships that are potentially here to fruition.
Here the closeness is possible, but you fear it still. This is to be expected. You are not so different here than many. Intimacy requires a great deal of security and maturity, which you are constantly in the process of creating in you. If and when you long for closer ties, open your eyes and reach for them. They are all here, my friend. You know that your life is blessed, especially since a crises period in your life when you were teetering above a precipice and when you withdrew from this Pathwork.
So your coming back in with renewed vigor and commitment is a great victory for you. I know that you would not really have left the Pathwork, but your withdrawal was a threat to your process, which you have successfully overcome. This was more difficult than what is to come.