Unrequited Love

147 QUESTION: Regarding unrequited love between a man and a woman, I sometimes feel that it is enough if I love this person. But sometimes I don’t feel that way and I would like my love returned. I would like to know whether there is something in me that is wrong.

ANSWER: Whenever there is something amiss in an outer situation, it indicates a corresponding inner problem. Since there is no mystery about this, there can only be one answer: there must be something in you that does not want real fulfillment. You must be divided.

There must be a part in you that very much wants the feelings, wants the experience of feeling yourself alive and vibrant with the beauty of such feelings, as only the most dynamic experience on this Earth-plane can bring – love between a man and a woman. But there is another part where you fear it, perhaps for any number of reasons.

If you did not fear and deny it, you truly would not find yourself in such a situation. Your feelings would be directed toward a person who is willing and eager to reciprocate. In fact, it would be unthinkable that your feelings could be elicited, could be ignited in a situation that is one-sided. That in itself indicates an area where there is fear and a denial of life.

There may be many reasons for this. Often in such cases, people find that if and when their feelings are unexpectedly returned, their own feelings cool off. When they are not returned, when the other is unreachable, unattainable, the feelings increase and reach out.

It is as though the psyche tried to find a compromise between wanting to be alive, wanting to feel the sweetness and fullness of life, but dared to do so only in fantasy. It lacks the courage to create it in reality.

You have to ascertain how and why you are frightened of the real love feelings that may come your way. You have to ascertain that you feel more at ease when the reality is less stimulating, less conducive to loving feelings than the fantasy.

Recognize that you feel more reassured when you feel less alive, while this more intense state of feeling threatens you and makes you doubtful you can cope with it. This doubt results from your reluctance to trust your feelings.

QUESTION: How can a person who has a great problem with those manipulated feelings differentiate between the false and the genuine feelings?

ANSWER: The easiest way would be to express every day, deep into the psyche, the wish to become aware of them, to face where false feelings arise. The attention will then focus itself, with the help of the inner guidance that automatically manifests when it is truly wanted. When one truly wants to become aware of the false feelings, to deceive oneself no longer, and states the intent simply and firmly, something is set in motion that will bring the awareness.

The clearer you state the desire and intent to want to live in reality and feel real feelings, the more this will become possible. The more the personality is willing to dispense with deceit and courageously look at what is, the more the guidance from the innermost life forces, the inner wisdom, will manifest without any doubt.

The awareness will grow, the attention will focus more clearly, and with more understanding, the difference will become more obvious. You will see how the false is laborious and the true is easy, how the false leaves one flat and the true brings a warmth and vibrancy, no matter how small the feeling may be to begin with.

True feelings warm the whole system, the whole person: body, mind, soul and spirit. When you decide, “This is what I want, this is what I am going to do: to live in reality, to see the false, to stop it, and to allow the real to come out. I know that this decision must bear its fruits, I know it will,” something already begins to change within.

This is the way to go about it. Each day intend it, say it, mean it, and look at what is. Decide to call upon the subliminal forces lodged deep within the real self.

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