Mentally Impaired Parent

QA218 QUESTION: I’m going to see my father whom I haven’t seen in twenty-two years and who is in a mental institution. I would like you to help me by telling me what the significance is for me spiritually?

ANSWER: I do not wish to give karmic explanations here of previous incarnations. That is something that must – if it is to come at all – in a very different way, come from within you. But what I will say to you is that the pain you feel about not having a father you can lean on and trust and be supported by – and I do not mean this materially but emotionally supported, being taken care of as a child, and so on – that is a result of an attitude in you that you know very well.

It is the self-will, over-independent part in you that wants, in a distorted way, to be free and to be above the dependency and what seems like weakness to you, to give in to your feelings of need. Then those feelings of need, in your character, are so denied that they come out indirectly in also an exaggerated way. You then really feel ashamed so that you believe you are justified in denying the attitude of dependency and need. Do you understand what I’m saying?

QUESTION: Yes, very much.

ANSWER: It is like saying, “I do not need the man.” And you have said that for perhaps many, many centuries. So the strength of that determination has brought you in contact with energy fields of others where that kind of fate was forthcoming. It is in that sense that this can be a very good insight and lesson and stepping stone for you at this point – that you learn the combination between strength and giving in and letting yourself be weak and needy, and find the strength through that, a new kind of strength, a different kind of strength.

 

QA240 QUESTION: Nine years ago it was necessary for me to take responsibility for my mother and encourage her to be treated in a home – a psychiatric institution. At that time I had a legal responsibility for her. When it was recommended by her psychiatrist that I commit her, I did not feel it was right and refused to do so. It turned out to be the right decision.

Now I am in a situation where it is necessary that I take that level of responsibility with my father. I need to give him the support that he needs desperately, and will have to commit him if he will not do it voluntarily. I’m in a great deal of pain about this. I alternate between opening my feelings and feeling very sad and a lot of pain, and the closing off and feeling numb and kind of dead. I’d be very grateful for the understanding you could give me of this.

ANSWER: Above all, do anything you can to not cut off your feelings. Trust that in that pain, you will find a new kind of strength. In that new kind of strength, your inner security and strength of conviction and inspiration and knowing what is the right thing to do will come without false guilts and without wavering or sentimentality. It is only in that that you can find a new strength and new security, not in the cut off state.

Therein, you will find your real authority and the channel that will inspire you every step of the way. For you know, I cannot and will not tell you what to do. And actually you already know what you must do – out of love and out of strength and out of reason. But your deep inner conviction of knowing what you do is right can only come when you travel through the tunnel of your pain and trust it and visualize the joy beyond it.

I give you very special blessings for there is a perfect synchronization of everything as it comes to pass. What your father goes through, he has to go through. But it is in this very instant that it is most meaningful for you because would it be earlier, it would have been much harder for you to find that strength to commit yourself to stay open and trust the pain.

So now you are ready to gain the maximum from your experience. And in gaining this for yourself, you can give all the more, not only to him, but to all those with whom you are bound in love.

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