QA257 QUESTION: Recently I am experiencing a conflict on the outer level between my work at the Center and my training in muscular therapy. This particular conflict has occurred once before, and similar conflicts or splits have been a pattern in my life. Concurrent with this, I am experiencing a disc problem at the spinal level corresponding to the will center related to self-esteem.
This physical manifestation has resulted both in pain and weakness in my left arm. I know that this outer reality is a manifestation of inner disharmony, and I feel great pain and confusion. I have been unable to get a true sense of the underlying inner conflict. Although I am afraid to hear words which may shatter my ideas and beliefs, I deeply feel the need for help and I also feel the place in me which is open and ready to receive your guidance.
ANSWER: My dear friend, many of your conflicts in this respect are very simply a result of your fear of commitment. This may sound like a cliché, and in order to lend more life to my words, I shall try to be more specific. You are afraid of making a mistake when you have to make a choice, so you vacillate, not taking a full stand. This is the inner weakness and lack of backbone that now also manifests on an outer level.
The only way you can be sure that a choice is the right one at any given time is to completely surrender to the will of God and trust in his guidance. You feel reluctant to do this too, because you assume that if you really discover and fulfill God’s will, then you will never encounter difficulties. Difficulties are, for you, a sign of having made a wrong choice.
And if you made a wrong choice, in spite of asking for God’s will, then you assume that you cannot obtain God’s will, that you lack the channel, or that you are not good enough, so you would rather not ask at all. It is very frightening to feel that you have to obtain perfect results – results that give you only what is immediately easy and free from struggle.
Since in your heart you know that this can hardly be expected, you withhold from making a step toward wanting anything fully, including surrender to the will of God. Have the courage to do so, and have the maturity and wisdom to know that a choice may be right at a certain time, even though it may present some struggles, while, at a later time another alternative may be right.