QA191 QUESTION: I’d like to ask you about something that I’m aware of right now, which is a resistance in my throat. I know it happens to me when there are emotions trying to come up and I don’t let them. I haven’t really been aware of it as much as I am aware of it today. Perhaps you can help me.
ANSWER: Yes. Well, you know the very fact that you become aware of such manifestations is in itself a sign of your growing process, for this was always there. Only you were not attuned to these things, and that is always part of the Pathwork. One becomes more attuned and aware of these things.
It is also important, as you are more aware of this, to question yourself or to become also aware of the fact that you still hold on to totally losing yourself, really giving up the controls, in a controlled and chosen way – in a way that you determine is the right and safe environment for you. But there’s always still this measure of control where the mind wants to look and see and determine and hold and weigh and be the watcher, and not letting yourself sink into feelings and let them take over temporarily.
You all know, my friends, that this is what I have said again and again and again from the very beginning of my association with you, when I have spoken of the fact that you must lose yourself in order to find yourself. What else can it mean but that? It has taken many years before you could all safely come to the point where this can be done without dangerous or adverse effects.
The spiritual connectedness, the mental understanding, had to be cultivated, and certain resistances and defenses gradually become conscious and loosened. But now, the foundation is so secure with this group as a whole that you have nothing to fear – genuinely nothing to fear – to do this.
Everyone of you who truly wants to find his real self, his real being, his divine heritage within himself has to let go of the defenses and has to overcome the shame and the inhibition and the pride, and all the defenses and all the worry of how he appears, and really lose himself. Your old defense self has to die for your divine, real self that is whole and unified to be reborn.
This must be the process, and all of you have to gauge it, observe it. Where are you in this respect? If you find that you have still more or less or some of this holding, inhibiting resistance, that is all right too, if you can acknowledge and accept it. Accept where you are rather than fight where you are.
By accepting where you are, explore the reasons. Be interested in the reasons. Be interested why you fear and do not wish to give up the controls. Explore it. Take this question very seriously. Confront it, not in enmity with yourself, not in the spirit of “I oughtn’t to. I’m really bad that I still hold on.” But rather in the spirit of “there’s still something in me that is frightened to do this. What is it? I want to confront it. I want to have a dialogue with it. I want to let out the irrational voice of it and accept its voice, without condoning it or agreeing with it.”
Here is the procedure that is so very difficult to convey, because the words are so limited and the feeling self has to tune in on what I say. When you do this, you will find the miracle of self-acceptance. How in the world can you accept and even find the best in you when you cannot accept before, the worst – the childish, the irrational, the immature.
All of you are still so much in warfare with yourself, coercing yourself, dividing yourself in that way. You think you can only love and accept yourself when you have arrived someplace. But that arrival lies – if it may be called that way – in the very fact, in the very act, of accepting whatever is now, whether it is silly, childish, destructive.
I’m not talking about acting out in deeds, for this, of course, is not necessary and is on a voluntary level; but we are now talking on the involuntary level, where you’re compelled to this destructive behavior in your emotions – where you are perhaps not yet able not to behave destructively in your thinking and feeling. And that cannot be altered – you must learn to accept it. Accepting does not mean liking it or agreeing with it or encouraging it. It simply means accepting. It is here!
Saying to yourself, “Yes, I know, I am not perfect. I have this part, and I have other aspects that are more mature, but this aspect is also there and it must be incorporated into my being.” It cannot be incorporated otherwise. So your blocks are here an indirect manifestation of this – of not letting it all out, because you are still guarded, you still need to appear, even in your own eyes, although you have made a lot of progress here.
QA234 QUESTION: I’ve recently fallen back to a destructive pattern of getting sore throats, the third one in about six weeks. After my problem with my heart developed, I ceased having colds because I took better care of myself and I didn’t stress myself. I realize now that I was in a great deal of unconscious fear then. I decided it was okay for me to become more active, and this old pattern returned, only in a milder form. My colds are not as severe or last as long. I would appreciate your help with this problem.
ANSWER: What you described here is a process in motion. It is necessary that the inner toxic attitudes reach the surface and leave the system. In some instances, physical manifestations and illnesses are such a toxic elimination. It is an elimination of toxic matter. It is therefore necessary that the fear is given up, that the fear is recognized as a manifestation of halting the process.
The fear is really an expression of “I do not dare to move out.” On the one hand, there is a moving out; on the other hand there is a halt. And that creates a condition that may manifest in many different ways – physical as well as other ways.
Now, particularly the throat condition is very often an expression of not wanting to take in, to receive, to be open and undefended. Perhaps when that is recognized, the throat can expand again, because the attitude expands – very specifically in what is.
I would say that each time such a condition came about there was something the organism cramped up against, either from within with something that wanted to come out – or something that wanted to come in.