QA139 QUESTION: I am always coming into situations where I’m practically squeezed between opposite emotions. I find myself going in one direction and get so far, and then I go into the other direction. The true balance only comes in moments when I’m alone. I would like to know what you can tell me about this.
ANSWER: In the first place, it is remarkable and to your credit – and of course, has also to do with your youth partly but also with your goodwill – that in the short time you’re in this work, how far you have advanced. The fact that you cannot accomplish this balance while you are in the situation is extremely natural and normal at this point. You could not expect anything else.
You see, the rhythm and procedure of this Pathwork is a spiral movement. You go forward and then you seem to fall back. First of all, it seems not only as a relapse, but it also seems as though the observation of one’s negative reactions is so far apart from the actual happening – in other words perhaps weeks or months or even years later one recognizes it. And then it’s perhaps a day, and then it’s perhaps hours; this is the slow process of synchronization.
But you cannot and must not force it. Because by forcing it, the conflict will become stronger. Merely observe the opposite pulls in you and utter the wish that you wish to understand more about it so that it will naturally unify. Then – gradually and little by little – instead of observing the conflicting emotions, you will come to observe the unified emotions and the good feeling about it.
But you have to allow this inner growth to take place. Do not expect of yourself that this can be now. Because by such an expectation you will only be angry at yourself, and very unjustifiably so. If you expect to determine the conflicting and undesirable feelings after they have taken place, that is very good, that is the best now that you can expect.
Perhaps, little by little, you will vaguely be aware of it while it happens and only afterwards be more concisely aware of it. And then it will begin to change, as you make more recognitions. The important thing is that you do not whip yourself into something you cannot possibly expect yourself to feel – the unification, that proper balance. It is something that comes about indirectly. Do you understand that?
QUESTION: Yes. And the fact that I have understood so very much, that I’ve experienced the balance in certain moments – it’s very exciting. And then I become very impatient.
ANSWER: Yes. Exactly. Just because you thought you had the almost miraculous thing that you had experienced in such a short time gives you the false idea you should always be in that now. Now, be aware of this, because such a false assumption would only slow down your progress. Each time you feel it, greet it as a wonderful forerunner heralding the state you can be in.
Accept the fact that it will not be permanently yet that way. Be prepared to still find the remnants of the problematic and conflicting emotions in you. So, in other words, your problem here is not so much the problem itself – because you’re doing very well in that – but rather your attitude to yourself in connection with it. This is the most important thing, the most important emphasis.