QA251 QUESTION: I very much need help about the difficulties my partner and I are having in conceiving a child. After a year of trying to conceive, I had a miscarriage in my second month. Within minutes of miscarrying, my channel opened up, and I have been receiving guidance every few weeks since that time. My conflict centers on knowing – in my head – that when it’s right for us to conceive, it will happen, but feeling inadequate when it doesn’t. I also feel the opposite at times – superior to others because I am obviously so developed that conditions must be perfect.
I have had countless sessions on this subject, approaching it from many angles, but the doubts persist. Where I feel I don’t want to give up my freedom, which at this point means my Pathwork activities and emerging Helpership; my feelings of not having gotten “it” from my mother so why should I give it; and my fears of rejection from my father for being the woman I am and showing it. I feel I am becoming fulfilled in so many areas, in my relationship, in my Pathwork. Why does my longing for motherhood remain unfulfilled?
ANSWER: The trouble is that you view this issue in an attitude of duality. Is it right, are you good enough to conceive a child? Or are you not yet good enough? In that way it becomes a question of good versus bad. But the opposite is equally true. You also view not having a child, as you yourself have put it, superior, and having one inferior.
So you struggle between two sets of duality that confuse you and create a conflict. It is absolutely essential that all judgement, guilt, self-rejection and measuring yourself with others – either by having a child or not having a child – disappear from your consciousness. Only then can you fulfill yourself by being a mother or by not being one, just as it is true that you can be a mother for invalid reasons, as well as for valid ones.
You still strive too much to prove your worth by having a baby, thus proving yourself superior to others because you had to wait so long to become perfect first. That same attitude of being better than others also exists in not having a baby. So whether or not you become pregnant and deliver cannot resolve the question. It can only be resolved from within.
This can be done by completely giving over to God, to his will for you, to being utterly and wholly willing to fulfill according to his disposition – whatever that may be – and by willingly and deliberately giving up all ego considerations, all self-aggrandizement, and with that, all guilt. For the guilt is a concomitant of egotism.
Only through the humility to just be who you are, quietly within yourself, can the inner self-value grow, along with the knowledge that you are a worthy expression of the Creator, a carrier of the Christ spirit – whatever you do, whatever your higher self decides for you in this life in regard to motherhood.
The question of motherhood is so fraught with conflict for you because you attach to it all these unresolved and unpurified feelings that could come out in regard to other issues as well. But for some reason, this is where they appear most. So your weight should be on these feelings and attitudes, while leaving the decision of motherhood to the higher forces that surround you.
Your peace must be found regardless of what happens on the outer level. If something definitive must happen in order to feel good about yourself and about life, and something else must not happen, you are fixed in a spiritual bind that defeats the Christ consciousness within from filling you.
You have learned a great deal; you have grown and changed to a most wonderful degree. Do not measure yourself and your value by any outer occurrence. Do not try to fix an understanding of such occurrences – or the lack of them. Have the wisdom and humility to realize that there are many considerations and levels of reality that cannot be comprehended with your present consciousness. Why this or that happens, or fails to happen, to a human being – it is never that simple.
There are subtleties and variants in a person’s life that surpass your present state of consciousness. Perhaps when you do not demand this fixed understanding – “why can I not?” – so ardently, something will let go in you and the understanding will come.
This understanding will give you peace, so that you can fulfill your life in serenity, whatever it will be. This is the state of consciousness you might visualize for yourself – this is the goal so necessary. Then all will be well. I do hope that you understand my message to you from your innermost being.